Most of us hear “managing up” and think of ambitious folks trying to impress their bosses at every turn. But actually, managing up is way more practical—and a lot less theatrical—than that. It’s about building a solid way of working with your manager, so you can both hit your goals without anyone losing their self-respect.
If you’ve ever gone along with something just to stay on your boss’s good side, you’re not alone. Lots of people struggle with the line between being cooperative and being a doormat. So, how do you work well with higher-ups without just becoming the office people-pleaser? Here’s what helps.
What Is Managing Up, Anyway?
Managing up really just means making your working relationship with your manager as effective as possible. You pay attention to their style, priorities, and needs, but you don’t lose sight of your own. It’s more practical than personal—often just about making projects run smoother.
People who manage up well get more out of their jobs. Their ideas land better, they’re trusted with more responsibility, and breakdowns happen less. Plus, learning to manage up helps you understand what’s really expected—and save yourself a lot of headaches.
Why People-Pleasing Trips You Up
Here’s where things go sideways for a lot of people. There’s a difference between being easy to work with and saying “yes” to everything, all the time. People-pleasing shows up as agreeing with every suggestion, volunteering for every extra task, or hiding honest feedback because it might upset the boss.
After a while, this gets old and exhausting. You start to feel undervalued or resentful—or just burnt out. People might see you as a pushover, which isn’t great for career growth. And long-term, it makes collaboration harder, not easier, because no one’s being fully real about what’s needed.
You might notice you rarely disagree, apologize for things you didn’t do, or avoid direct feedback conversations. That’s people-pleasing, and it holds you back.
Assertive Communication Without the Stress
A lot of us grew up thinking that “speaking up” meant causing trouble. In reality, assertive communication is just honest, clear conversation—where you state what you need, without dancing around it or bulldozing others.
So how can you practice this at work? Try sharing ideas in meetings without qualifying everything. Say things like, “I see your point, but here’s what I’d like to add.” If you disagree, start with, “I have a slightly different take. Here’s what I’m seeing.” And remember, silence can be just as powerful as talking—sometimes you just need to hold your ground.
Bosses notice when you’re straightforward but courteous. It makes it easier for them to trust you with bigger projects, since they know you won’t just fold under pressure.
Setting Boundaries You Can Stick To
Boundaries sound intimidating, but really, they’re just limits you create so you can do your work well. This might mean saying no to overtime every weekend, or pointing out when a task goes beyond your role.
If the boss asks you to pick up a team member’s slack repeatedly, try: “I’m at capacity with my current workload, but I’m happy to help troubleshoot next time.” Write things out if that’s easier for you—sometimes seeing your boundaries on paper helps you stick with them when the conversation heats up.
Standing up for reasonable limits doesn’t make you less of a team player. It just means you respect your own time and abilities, and that you want to deliver quality work.
Respect Goes Both Ways
Everyone wants respect at work, but earning it from your boss doesn’t mean agreeing with every decision. It’s about showing you listen, value the process, and can give honest input—even if it’s not what they want to hear at first.
Building mutual respect takes time. Maybe your supervisor loves quick check-ins but you prefer email. Talk about how you work best, and what you need to be successful. Bring solutions, not just problems. For every issue you raise, suggest a way forward—even a small one.
Showing up consistently—the same way you want others to show up for you—builds trust and makes those boundary conversations easier over time.
Keep an Eye on Your Own Growth
It’s easy to focus so much on managing up that you forget what you wanted in the first place. So, check in with yourself. What are your goals? Are you moving closer to them? Have you asked for feedback from your boss—not just praise, but real input to improve?
Career growth doesn’t just happen. It takes some planning and honest self-review. Set a few goals for yourself, like, “I want to be lead on a project this quarter,” or “I’m going to run the next team meeting.” Bringing these goals up with your supervisor shows you care about your work and expect to be challenged—without needing constant approval.
Sometimes, getting outside advice helps. There are plenty of online resources and communities, like this one, that can help you reflect on what you want from your work.
The Right Way to Give—and Get—Feedback
Feedback can be nerve-wracking on both sides. But honest feedback is the fastest way to learn and improve. It shouldn’t just be for annual reviews, either.
When you give feedback to your boss (yep, this can be done), focus on what’s working and what isn’t. Try something like, “I find it easier to deliver on projects when we get the timeline up front—would it be possible to adjust our process?”
When you receive feedback, take a little time before reacting. Ask clarifying questions. Sometimes what sounds like criticism is actually just someone asking for a small adjustment. Let your boss know you’re open to ideas, but also willing to explain your approach. Over time, these conversations build trust and increase your ability to influence how things are done.
Balanced Collaboration Is the Goal
At its heart, managing up isn’t about being a boss-pleaser or a rebel. It’s about having grown-up, working relationships where everyone knows where they stand. If you speak honestly, set boundaries, and work toward your own goals, you sidestep the trap of being seen as a pushover.
That doesn’t mean you’ll agree with your manager every time, or that you’ll never need to compromise. The key is, when you do compromise, it’s a conscious choice—not just a reaction to avoid discomfort.
A colleague of mine once told me how she finally stopped volunteering for every new assignment. Instead, she started picking projects that matched her skills. Her boss noticed she was more productive and less frazzled. That’s managing up without losing yourself.
Checking In with Yourself Matters
If you’re wondering whether you’re sliding back into people-pleasing, look at your recent work calendar. Are the things you’re spending time on aligned with what you value, or are you doing them just to keep the boss happy? Honest answers help you reset when you drift off track.
If you do get caught up in saying “yes” too often, there’s no need to beat yourself up. It happens. Reset those boundaries and get back to communicating directly.
Final Thoughts
Building a good relationship with your boss doesn’t mean turning into their yes-person. Managing up is about collaboration—with room for your own ideas and priorities. Say what you think, set limits, and ask for feedback. Over time, you’ll build mutual respect and get more out of your career.
And if you’re not sure where to start, pick one conversation this week where you can be a little more honest. It’s small steps like these that matter most. There’s no magic solution—just a genuine effort to make work a little better for you, and everyone else around you.